Journal Entry 33
Zureth thought I should start keeping one of these. It's been helpful. I don't make his undertaking easy, and maybe thats while I'm still at this for the most part alone. We had an interesting conversation the other day however. About life and the force, their connection, or disconnection. The connection we jedi have is what makes life so valuable, so needing of protection. The catch of that is we are expected to give up some of the most basic parts of it. The teachings assume it will lead to indulgence, due to such a strong connection to what it is, moderation is hard when you've had a taste of it. The normal being can take an experience for what it is, let it go, or even try to follow it up, and often fail, but from the beginning, for a Jedi its magnified ten fold. I could follow with many examples, but the one that concerns me is love...any kind of it, because it creates the strongest connection between fellow beings, for Jedi it can be a stronger connection than blood.
Mine certainly was with my master. Cliche as it was, he was the Father I never had, or knew anyway, and I believe I was the son he wasn't allowed to have. I'm not sure I could be wrong, but eitherway the connection was made. Through time, through training, through the force. Thats what concerns me. No one will confirm his death, but no one is looking for him either. I've been through the grieving process...the short one I was allowed, but it wasn't very grievous at all, because I still felt him. I still feel him, his force. I bring it up now because its beginning fade and grow stronger at the same time. The force itself has intensified, but my familiarity with it, dissipating. I'm not sure what any of it means yet, but I will seek it out. I must, I owe that to him.
by T'Varic Summercide on Dec 22, 2011 at 02:03 AM}